I’m losing it.
You know how sometimes you like someone and even though you’re like “I’ve got no chance”, you don’t actually know that for a fact, and so there’s hope, and that hope, that chance that there could possibly be something someday just makes it okay and makes your feelings constant and unwavering??
Well my situation is worse. Because I’ve come to learn that chance doesn’t actually exist. There’s no hope for us. None. Absolutely none.
The sad part is, knowing that for a fact has had absolutely no effect on me. None whatsoever. My feelings have not changed at all. I don’t know what’s wrong with me at this point. And it sucks. It just really hurts, and I’m the one hurting myself. But I have no idea how to not do this to myself. Nothing makes it better. It only gets worse and my feelings only get stronger. And I think I’m addicted to the feeling. I’m addicted to the happiness I get from him, but I’m also addicted to the sudden sadness that comes after the happiness know that he doesn’t feel the same way. And it all just really sucks.